I thought I’d end the year with reflection on the past twelve months. As Dickens wrote, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…” I couldn’t put that any better myself. I thought I’d mention the bad things first (ie the ‘whine’ in my poorly punned post title), and end on a positive.
Obviously, the worst thing that happened was losing my grandma. Though in her eighties, she was very vibrant and full of life, so it came as a huge shock to us. I have also been on a personal rollercoaster ride which has seen more ups and downs than a kangaroo…on a pogo stick…on a trampoline. As ‘Holly’ my life is a series of contradictions: much has been written about my struggle with ME/CFS and I’m happy to raise awareness of the illness whenever I can, yet I’ve been expected to be well enough to promote the book all by myself. The mere act of being ‘Holly’ and attending signings, interviews, etc, actually has a fairly negative affect on my condition. It’s a vicious circle. When I have moments of wellness, I want to fill this with as much normality as possible. It’s hard to reign yourself in, and very frustrating to be stuck indoors after one day’s over-exertion has left you exhausted for several weeks. I’m going to try harder to pace myself in 2008! Holly is probably who I am in my mind, should I have no physical encumberances, but the real me is going to have to learn not to push herself so hard. It’s about time I realised that I am not ‘normal’ and few people are! I’ve lost friends…or at least realised that I was only a mere acquaintance to people I’d thought of as friends. We’ve had to deal with financial hardship after hubby lost his job, and the stress that this brings. Basically, this year, like every other, we’ve had to accept what’s been thrown at us and deal with it the best way we all could. Just as most people do.
On the positive side of things, there was the release of my first novel, Karma, which I’ll discuss in a different post. To be honest, there have been very few moments that I can pick out that were unrelated to the book and say they were memorably good (although I did enjoy my weekend in London, which was the first holiday I’ve had in years). However, when I’ve been going through the bad things, I’ve been able to see the good in all the people around me. I always knew I had a wonderful family, but also found out who my real friends are and who I can rely on. I’ve also realised that without bad things, you can’t always appreciate the positive things that happen. I’ve also learned a lot about myself in 2007. Despite the fact that I’m poorly, I still have a lot to offer (although if you want some DIY done, or a marathon running, please ask someone else). I have regained some of the confidence I have lost over the past five years and have done some things I never dreamed that I would do (that reminds me: must learn to say ‘No’ more often in 2008).
So, whilst boredom has made me waffle (how rubbish has the TV been this Christmas???), a sore back prevents me from continuing. Off to ponder some New Year’s resolutions… Maybe I’ll speak to you later today, but if I don’t, I wish you well in 2008 and hope that it is an improvement on 2007.