Seething is what I am. It is feeling full of anger but being unable to express it clearly. It is also, incidentally, a small village in Norfolk.

DA have still not bothered to contact me. The longer it goes on, the worse I feel. I don’t really have a hot temper (wastes too much energy) but am certainly not a pushover. This ongoing problem with DA is clouding everything, and I think I am getting irrationally angry about things because of it. For instance, Sky offered me a month’s free movies and sport to add to my package. I am cautious of ‘too good to be true’ offers, but after clarifying that it wouldn’t cost me a penny extra, I went ahead (since I was stuck in the house). Yesterday, I found that, despite cancelling when I was told to, I have been charged for their full package until almost the end of March! I emailed them, and got a reply this morning which completely ignored every point that I raised. I was in a small Norfolk village after reading that, let me tell you! My response was immediate and scathing, although polite, and I wonder if I would have been so quick to get annoyed if it wasn’t for DA’s attitude…

I’m also still entrenched in this CFS relapse, which is not making it easy to write, but is giving me time to be creative. The other morning, I came up with the final chapters of the book I’m sort-of working on and it was not what I’d originally anticipated (it didn’t even involve the characters that I thought it would). I love how the imagination can surprise you!

Because of the virus-related relapse, I’m still missing my counselling group, as I don’t have a lot of social contact (particularly since I can’t even conduct a telephone conversation at the moment). That’s what I find so frustrating about some people’s views that CFS is not a real illness: who would deliberately cut short their career, live on a meagre budget, isolate themselves from friends/family, give up their activities/hobbies if they were not actually ill? It’s quite insulting to have people say, “Well I’m tired as well, but I just have to get on with things,” as though you are just lazy. I’m not.

Tried yet again to contact my publishers, using a different email this time, as they STILL have not had the decency to reply. You aren’t surprised, are you? There are no superiors to complain to, so I’m just supposed to tolerate being treated like I don’t exist. Just to spite them, I might write a best-seller and have it published with another company. That would teach them to ignore me, wouldn’t it? As if…

Fans of Due South will recognise that as one of Benton Fraser’s catchphrases. I love Due South and admittedly had a bit of a girlie crush on Paul Gross when I was younger - he was just so kind and polite (as well as tall, dark and handsome, of course). Why am I jabbering on about Due South? Well, when I logged in to Facebook today, I had a Friend Request from someone whose name I didn’t immediately recognise. When I looked it up, it turns out its an actor from Due South. You’ll probably be surprised to know that I haven’t immediately accepted the request, as I can’t think why he’d want to add someone he doesn’t know as a friend… Checked his profile though, and it seemed genuine but, as with everything on the internet, it’s healthy to be skeptical!

To update you on the situation with regard to my publisher, they STILL have not contacted me. I know certain people get annoyed with me for speaking the truth, but I think it’s just rude to treat people this way. An email takes a few seconds to write - even if they just acknowledged me, that would be something, but it appears that I have become invisible (and for my next trick…)

EDIT: Well, turns out it really was the actor from Due South. He’s obviously trying to connect with fans from the show who are on Facebook. That’s very nice, isn’t it? Can I be all starstruck now?

Sometimes, you just have to give in to self-pity, and sometimes you need to pull yourself out of it. At the moment, I’m wallowing. I’ll tell you what I’m fed up with, in a Victor Meldrew-style moan: being ill (currently missing out on a trip to Kirkharle), having no money (though hubby has started new job and is loving it so far), uncertainty with regard to book (publisher, grrrr), people on my Facebook FRIENDS list sending me chain emails promising me misfortune, should I fail to send it on (I NEVER send these horrible things on, so send ‘em to me and you’re knowingly breaking the chain anyway…), not having a thing to look forward to this year, not being able to attend my counselling course, being lonely (but not being able to use the phone because of my sore throat).

So, on the POSITIVE side, this has given me the excuse to spend the small amount of money I had (70p, actually) on a new download to alter my mood. Do you find that music changes your mood? I find that it can change my mood or emphasise whatever emotion I’m feeling at the time. While I was writing Karma, I listened to mainly 80s music. When I’m feeling down, sometimes I deliberately listen to music that makes me cry - sometimes you just need something to release what you’re feeling to make you feel better. I also find that certain songs give me focus or make me feel stronger. Here are some examples:

Let The River Run by Carly Simon - makes me feel determined. When it was my grandma’s funeral and I had to get up and read the poem I wrote for her, this was what was playing in my head, so that I could get through it without crying (almost). However, Wind Beneath My Wings by Bette Midler makes me cry, because it was played at my grandma’s funeral.

Songs that make me smile include Fill My Little World by The Feeling, Birdhouse In Your Soul by They Might Be Giants (reminds me of school trips), Call Me by Spagna (don’t laugh) and Star Turn on 45 Pints by Star Turn (funny). I even have the theme to Chorlton and the Wheelies on my mp3 player because it makes me laugh!

Empowering songs: Invisible Touch by Genesis, anything by Linkin Park (played loudly but considerately). We used to love to listen to LP while at our kickboxing classes, as their songs turned out to be perfect to accompany kicking and punching things…especially One Step Closer!!!

So, waffling over, what song did I buy? Life is a Highway by Tom Cochrane - seemed appropriate…