I sometimes wonder, as I am fortunate to know some fantastic people, yet they seem to be beset by misfortune. There’s my mam for one: she’s the most selfless, kind-hearted person you could imagine, yet the past few years have not been kind to her. She helps other people to the detriment of herself, and rarely seems to get anything good for herself. Yesterday, some tossers broke into her little old car and nicked an ancient stereo, that was probably close to worthless. What gives people the right to think that they can just take what they want, without a thought for the consequences? It makes me sick. If Karma exists, they will get what’s coming to them…but if it does exist, then why would this kind of thing happen to someone so nice? It’s a mystery.

For the next 19 days, feel free to watch me slip from the bridge, here. Fortunately, there’s no sound and, as I mentioned previously, you’ll clearly be able to see me mouthing the words, “I really can’t do this,” as I’m lying on the railing.

I still haven’t recovered from the day, and I’m trying not to feel sorry for myself. Also trying not to let silly things annoy me whilst stuck in front of the TV (like the mouthwash advert where the woman rinses her mouth, spits into the sink, and slaps her husband when he looks at what she’s spat out. Firstly, yuk to the husband, and secondly, run the tap for a second, stupid woman!) My bruise is still impressing anyone who sees it, two weeks later - just shows what effect adrenalin has on the body, as it probably would have knacked, had I been aware of the impact.

Getting back to annoying things, I’ve made one last attempt to get things sorted out with the publisher. Actually, I’ve asked that the book be withdrawn - if they aren’t willing to sort out the contractual issues, I don’t see why they should be able to sell the book. Its an awful step to have to take, but if I don’t look after my interests, I have no-one else to do it for me. I’ve learned that the hard way.

I’ve also bought myself a brand new notebook (couldn’t believe how much an A4 hardback notebook was in WHSmith - around a tenner, which was way more than my budget, so had to get a boring one), and will work on my FIVE ideas for new books. The lack of pressure really has made me excited about having writing as a hobby again! Plus it will give me something to do while avoiding the horribly high pollen counts!

I’ve decided to pull the plug on the book. It’s a pretty drastic step and many people would take the view that, as long as it’s being sold, that’s a good thing. I don’t. I don’t like being screwed over, so if I’m not getting paid for my hard work, then no-one else should be either. I’ve tried to sort things out too many times, and I hate being ignored. I don’t think its the kind of thing that Don’t Get Done Get Dom would deal with.

Interestingly (and I’d already made my decision, but I saw this as a sign and confirmation), I had my book returned from the last agent I decided to ever submit it to. Obviously I was not destined to become a commercial author, and that’s OK. I had a great year being Ms Harvey. It was unexpected and, dare I say, fun!

Strangely, for the first time in months, I woke up wanting to write. I had two stories I was working on, and I awoke wanting to know what happens to the characters. I feel liberated, and know I’m only writing for myself again, and as before, for cathartic reasons. No pressure, as no-one cares. I will save up every spare penny I have for my Asus (lighter laptop) and will happily while away some time, immersed in my new worlds.

I will still blog, as I enjoy writing it - even if nobody reads it, because I won’t be any the wiser.

So there endeth the tale of Holly A Harvey…or is it just the beginning?

Sorry I haven’t been online, but (as anticipated) I’m suffering after last weekend’s exertion. Thank you for all the sponsorship money that’s coming in. The resultant exhaustion seems to be hitting me in stages, but at least the bruising is getting better. It’s never very pleasant to feel like this (needing help to get out of bed, etc) but I had expected it, and although I hate feeling so helpless, I have a great sense of achievement from what I did. I’ll never do it again, but its something else to add to the list of things I’ve managed to do WHILE ill.

However, I’m a little upset that one of the ME website’s felt they had to describe me as ‘recovered’ so that they did not appear to be condoning people with the condition doing anything like what I did last weekend. I feel like they feel I’m a bad example to other people with ME/CFS.

I’d like to point out that there are many, many things (too many) that my health won’t allow me to do, but sometimes, there are challenges that I know I might be able to do, although I’ll suffer for them. To me, this is acceptable. I did extensive research into the implications of the abseil and into the physical requirements. I was told that if I could get over the bridge rail, I could abseil. I didn’t go into this lightly, both because of my health and my various phobias. Incidentally, once I got on top of the bridge, I realised that it wasn’t the height I should be afraid of…it’s the drop!

Anyhow, I’ve spent six years mainly in bed (or on the sofa). I spent a few minutes abseiling. Does that strike you as irresponsibe?

I don’t want to just exist, I want to LIVE! Is that too much to ask?