I KNOW I shouldn’t post when I’m angry, but I need an outlet for my emotions.

I finally got my royalty statement for my sales-to-date and it says that I sold NO books when it came out. I know all you readers know this is untrue, and my first ever royalty statement proves otherwise. I am also well aware of the sums of books purchased (and sold) just in local outlets. I signed (and SOLD OUT) twenty at Waterstones in Hexham; that Henry’s Books sold 20-30 in the first few weeks. I also monitored sales at the large distributers, and know that Borders bought 10 when I did the signing there. I know these figures don’t sound like much, but it’s considerably more than zero. That doesn’t even take into account Amazon sales, when the book sold out often in the early months (or doesn’t ring true with the conversations I’ve had with people at the Publishers).

What they are playing at, I don’t know. I sincerely hope that it’s an error, as I would hate to think that what’s going through my mind was correct. It’s no wonder I can’t enjoy writing like I used to, as I feel used. I’m just glad that I had no outlay, but my ‘prize’ has lost its shine. I feel no less angry, but was surprisingly restrained with the email I sent my publisher. Will let you know what happens next…

Finally, I would never say that an author should not use a particular company, based on someone else’s experiences. Simply judge the facts, and come to your own conclusions - not every author feels disillusioned with DA.

Hello! Just been doing some sponsorship admin. Still £56 short, but I’m getting there. My mam’s got all but her final tenner, and my sister still has a few people to track down. Hubby sponsored someone who was doing a cycle ride for the Stroke Association - I’ll pay up tomorrow, as I now know how tough it is to get all the funds in!

I spoke to DA last week, and got a few answers from them. They’ve promised me to sort a few of my issues out, but I’m not expecting miracles. I do want to get hold of my outstanding promo copies, as I actually have a use for them. Allegedly, I’m going forward for another prize, but it’s another don’t-stand-a-chance-but-what-the-hell competition. This also depends on the publisher following through with their promise. I hope to tell you my cynicism was misplaced, but we’ll see.

Just like Paige, I’ve had an invitation to a school reunion (though mine was via Facebook, and the details haven’t been confirmed). It can’t possibly be fifteen years since I left school…could it? I’m too young, surely. I dreaded my last reunion, despite being one of the organisers, as I was embarrassed about my lack of career. I’m still in the same boat, five years later!

Hello - have had some competition-winning luck last week, and am SO happy about it. Then, I came third in a competition to design a new TV - this was rather cool, as the idea may well go into production. No big bucks, but I’m happy with a hundred quid, thanks very much. I think I will be partaking in a little food shopping from Tesco with my winnings. Then, I won a book. This was cool as I was just lamenting my lack of reading material on the Book Club Forum.

I felt like the last few days was a dream, particularly when we immediately got a parking space in Debenhams car park during a busy time. I’m still expecting to wake up and for none of this to be real…

For the next 19 days, feel free to watch me slip from the bridge, here. Fortunately, there’s no sound and, as I mentioned previously, you’ll clearly be able to see me mouthing the words, “I really can’t do this,” as I’m lying on the railing.

I still haven’t recovered from the day, and I’m trying not to feel sorry for myself. Also trying not to let silly things annoy me whilst stuck in front of the TV (like the mouthwash advert where the woman rinses her mouth, spits into the sink, and slaps her husband when he looks at what she’s spat out. Firstly, yuk to the husband, and secondly, run the tap for a second, stupid woman!) My bruise is still impressing anyone who sees it, two weeks later - just shows what effect adrenalin has on the body, as it probably would have knacked, had I been aware of the impact.

Getting back to annoying things, I’ve made one last attempt to get things sorted out with the publisher. Actually, I’ve asked that the book be withdrawn - if they aren’t willing to sort out the contractual issues, I don’t see why they should be able to sell the book. Its an awful step to have to take, but if I don’t look after my interests, I have no-one else to do it for me. I’ve learned that the hard way.

I’ve also bought myself a brand new notebook (couldn’t believe how much an A4 hardback notebook was in WHSmith - around a tenner, which was way more than my budget, so had to get a boring one), and will work on my FIVE ideas for new books. The lack of pressure really has made me excited about having writing as a hobby again! Plus it will give me something to do while avoiding the horribly high pollen counts!