Hello - have had some competition-winning luck last week, and am SO happy about it. Then, I came third in a competition to design a new TV - this was rather cool, as the idea may well go into production. No big bucks, but I’m happy with a hundred quid, thanks very much. I think I will be partaking in a little food shopping from Tesco with my winnings. Then, I won a book. This was cool as I was just lamenting my lack of reading material on the Book Club Forum.

I felt like the last few days was a dream, particularly when we immediately got a parking space in Debenhams car park during a busy time. I’m still expecting to wake up and for none of this to be real…

For the next 19 days, feel free to watch me slip from the bridge, here. Fortunately, there’s no sound and, as I mentioned previously, you’ll clearly be able to see me mouthing the words, “I really can’t do this,” as I’m lying on the railing.

I still haven’t recovered from the day, and I’m trying not to feel sorry for myself. Also trying not to let silly things annoy me whilst stuck in front of the TV (like the mouthwash advert where the woman rinses her mouth, spits into the sink, and slaps her husband when he looks at what she’s spat out. Firstly, yuk to the husband, and secondly, run the tap for a second, stupid woman!) My bruise is still impressing anyone who sees it, two weeks later - just shows what effect adrenalin has on the body, as it probably would have knacked, had I been aware of the impact.

Getting back to annoying things, I’ve made one last attempt to get things sorted out with the publisher. Actually, I’ve asked that the book be withdrawn - if they aren’t willing to sort out the contractual issues, I don’t see why they should be able to sell the book. Its an awful step to have to take, but if I don’t look after my interests, I have no-one else to do it for me. I’ve learned that the hard way.

I’ve also bought myself a brand new notebook (couldn’t believe how much an A4 hardback notebook was in WHSmith - around a tenner, which was way more than my budget, so had to get a boring one), and will work on my FIVE ideas for new books. The lack of pressure really has made me excited about having writing as a hobby again! Plus it will give me something to do while avoiding the horribly high pollen counts!

I’ve decided to pull the plug on the book. It’s a pretty drastic step and many people would take the view that, as long as it’s being sold, that’s a good thing. I don’t. I don’t like being screwed over, so if I’m not getting paid for my hard work, then no-one else should be either. I’ve tried to sort things out too many times, and I hate being ignored. I don’t think its the kind of thing that Don’t Get Done Get Dom would deal with.

Interestingly (and I’d already made my decision, but I saw this as a sign and confirmation), I had my book returned from the last agent I decided to ever submit it to. Obviously I was not destined to become a commercial author, and that’s OK. I had a great year being Ms Harvey. It was unexpected and, dare I say, fun!

Strangely, for the first time in months, I woke up wanting to write. I had two stories I was working on, and I awoke wanting to know what happens to the characters. I feel liberated, and know I’m only writing for myself again, and as before, for cathartic reasons. No pressure, as no-one cares. I will save up every spare penny I have for my Asus (lighter laptop) and will happily while away some time, immersed in my new worlds.

I will still blog, as I enjoy writing it - even if nobody reads it, because I won’t be any the wiser.

So there endeth the tale of Holly A Harvey…or is it just the beginning?

Woke up on Saturday morning, feeling sick with dread. Went to collect some medals I’d had made up for the participants (I felt they should have something to remind them of the day), then my sister, my mam and I went to my auntie’s house for a pre-event worrying session. My mam was cool as a cucumber, unlike the rest of us. My friend, Sarah, was in touch via text, and also seemed pretty calm. None of this helped me, as I was filled with absolute dread and barely managed to eat all day.

Against expectations, I slept well on Saturday night, but woke at 5.30am. I got really upset and tearful when I realised that I’d somehow have to make it from the car park/registration area under the bridge, to the top of the bridge. I have difficulty with staircases, and find them exhausting. It had suddenly dawned on me that my fundraising event may be over before it had begun. Cue further tears.

Had a bath and two Hovis crackers (all I could stomach), then had a call to say one of our team was ill and couldn’t make it. A last minute volunteer was quickly located (my sister’s friend, although hungover, agreed to fill in) and then it was off to my mam’s to meet my auntie. I knew as soon as I got to my mam’s house that I wasn’t going to be able to go through with it. They were all pretty relaxed, and I was the exact opposite.

When we got to Newcastle and saw the Tyne Bridge, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to go through with it. It’s so bloomin’ high! We parked under the bridge and another group were just getting kitted up to do their abseil. Sarah was already at the Sage, so we headed up the path to meet her in the cafe. I made the mistake of stopping mid-way to watch the abseil that was underway. The participants were almost at 90 degrees to the bridge. I knew, for certain, that I couldn’t go through with it, as I have trouble with my neck/shoulders so knew I could never maintain that position. I felt so ill at the thought of letting people down.

We went in for coffee (Sage prices: dear, in our opinion). Couldn’t believe Sarah was sitting there with something sweet and cakey, when I couldn’t even manage a sip of coffee. Lyndsey was eating a bacon sandwich, and there was an air of joviality. Then there was me, rigid in my seat, overcome by terror. Then it was time to register, and off we went to the loo. I wonder how many of us toyed with the idea of pretending to be locked in.

The team from ACE (Adventure Challenge Events) were absolutely fantastic. I’m sure they even took on board my suggestion for an Imodium stand in conjunction with their registration desk. I asked them about a million questions, and they probably thought I was a complete idiot, but were very patient. I told them that I usually cross the bridges with my eyes closed, which was a little dangerous, as I drive a bus. One of the Instructors, didn’t immediately realise I was joking, and seemed quite surprised! Even when I was being fitted with my helmet, harness and gloves, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to do the abseil. Then, it was time.