Ugly Holly

That’s as maybe, but I was actually referring to the programme, Ugly Betty. I’m a huge fan, but couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable during this week’s episode. Betty’s talking to the strange sandwich man (not a man that’s a sandwich, but a man who sells them) and she says she’s a writer. He asks her what she’s written, and she tells him about stuff she did ages ago. But what about lately? Nothing…but she does have plenty of ideas! Oh, that sounds SO familiar. She comes up with excuse after excuse about why she hasn’t written anything, and it made me realise that I do the same. After all, I write for fun…or I did. I think this whole experience has sucked the fun out of writing. That’s not to say I haven’t enjoyed certain aspects of this impromptu book thing, but I feel like so many opportunities have been missed. Why? Because I don’t know what I’m doing or how to promote Karma (the book, not the concept).

I’ve had a hard time trying to decide whether to write this next bit, but as ever, I believe in honesty. Why am I so blue (maybe it’s the cold – I’ll turn the heating up, then I’ll tell you…)? Last week, I got a newsletter from my publisher, letting me know how wonderfully well their authors are doing. Needless to say, I wasn’t amongst them. So, it got me wondering: what haven’t I been doing that I should have…or what have I done that I shouldn’t have? I can no longer feel safe in the knowledge that everyone is in the same boat. If other authors can be featured in the press, do tours, events and signings, then why can’t I? Several people (some of them authors themselves) have expressed surprise that my book is not more widely available, saying that it deserves to be noticed. While that is lovely of them to say so, it does make me question myself. I have never hidden the fact that I know very little about this industry – and why would I? I never dreamed that I would be part of it…but now that I am, I know that I’m out of my depth and don’t feel as though I belong here. So, when NaNoWriMo arrives, I will write…but I’ll write for me, because I used to love it. I love how it takes me away from everything, and to places that I may never go, with people no-one will ever meet.

You won’t be surprised to know that I got no response from any of the stockists I contacted several months ago. However, you may be surprised to know that I got a FULL refund from the car company that diddled us in London! One more step towards my new camera.

Ending on a positive note (for once), I’m pencilled in for an event in November in conjunction with Gateshead Libraries Service and Borders – more details when I have them. There endeth my last post as a 32 year old…